The ever lasting presences
by Never seen the sky before
Summary: Remus sirius slash, gets a high rating later on, will at first seem like a severus remus, After sirius's death, flashbacks, realistic.


Dishes of food pushed to the side, barely touched, never tasted. That was life, tasteless, lifeless, at least to him. There was still laughter in the house, the house he despised but felt he could never leave. Sirius was here, he was everywhere and as much as Remus hated to remember he couldn't live without the memory of the only person he would truly love.

Life came in a succession of events, you were born and lived a life of ignorance and bliss and then it came, the first realisation, the first loss of innocence. His had come earlier than most. He glanced down at his hand absent mindedly running a finger over a soft pink scar. He shook his head running a hand through his already unruly hair. He'd do better not to think so much, not to drink so much, not to live so much. Then there it seemed was a meaningless part in the middle of love, life and happiness before death took you and then, well that was the end, but do you really die? After all what is living truly, can you be dead when you live on in memory, live on to haunt the dreams and life of another.

His thoughts were disrupted by a quite knocking on his locked door,

"Remus the meeting will be starting soon, we're having lasagne for dinner, oh and Albus is here this evening" Molly said quietly, carefully. They were always so careful these days; it was if he was a bomb they were expecting to go off at any second. They tip toed around him, as if to avoid a conflict. This quite often annoyed him, he often found himself yearning for conflict, to get it all out.

"Thank you Molly I'll be out in a moment" He said in that same dead tone that he always used. He hated it, he wished he could hide everything, hide his feelings and for every one to think that he was alright, maybe then, if someone believed he was, then it would be possible. However he knew deep down such thoughts were foolish.

Slowly, gracefully he rose from his chair, as he moved away imprints of his body could be seen, he'd spent too many hours to put a definite number on, sitting their thinking or trying in vain to sleep. Even his dreams left him with little peace, to see him in his dreams was not a blessing it was torture, to spend every evening seeing him, reaching out but never being able to touch him, to speak with him.

He surveyed himself in the mirror, deep rings under his eyes, paling skin and messy hair. He started back at himself in a slight unbelieving had he really allowed himself to become so pitiful? He spent a few moments cleaning himself up, he didn't bother to shave, there seemed little point, it'd only grow back tomorrow. There staring back at him was a man, who he was not himself, his hair had grown long the back reached his shoulders, while the rest was angled back from his face. His golden eyes started back at him, hollow lifeless. With a sigh he turned away and walked to the door stopping to straighten his robes, with this he turned the knob and walked out into the dark and uninviting corridor, it'd been around 4 days since he'd left that damn room of his. The dust settled upon the floor fluttering into the air with each step he took, it reminded him of the rain. He could hear the noise coming from the kitchen, chattering, laughter an argument was going on somewhere, he smiled sadly, well at least he still knew how to do smile even if it was forced.

His hand rested on the door knob, he just needed to turn it, the meeting would last no longer than an hour, there was nothing to worry about nothing to fear and yet for all it was worth he could not force himself to open the bloody door.

Behind him a dark haired male sighed quietly "Turn then push, it's not all that hard even for a mutt like yourself" Came an annoyed tone, still Remus didn't move.

"Oh for merlins sake Lupin either open the bloody door or move aside, unlike some people I actually have work to do, you may be able to sit around in your library all day wallowing in self pity but I do not have time for such trivial and childish matters" Severus said curtly placing his hand over Remus's and pushing the door open, brushing briskly past him Severus entered the warm chattering room.

Remus blinked slightly before plastering a pleasant look on his face and walking inside.

Moments latter Albus appeared and the meeting began. "Good evening, good evening nice to see you all, shall we start then?" his blue eyes twinkled, fatigue was also evident in his azure depths, however Dumbledore was far better at hiding it. "Lovely to see you Remus, I must have a word to you after the meeting" he said nodding at Remus, "And so what news from you Arthur?"

The group chattered about this and that, discussed, planned and fought over differing opinions. Remus closed his eyes rubbing his temples, it all seemed too much, he sat blank faced as the room danced around him, he felt like he was caught in time, as they all moved on he never changed, a roar of laughter from the other end of the table broke into his thoughts seeing tonks in the floor

"Honestly it's not that funny!" she said trying to untangle herself, it seems she'd fallen asleep in her chair and was now tangled in her chair and robes. He turned back his eyes falling back on the black burn that stretched half of the length of the table, about to fall back into thought when warm breathe rushed over his ear, he shivered

"Remus when was the last time you took a shower you smell worse than Fletcher" Snape sneered seemingly bored with Charlie's talk of recruitment in Romania. Remus blinked before turning to face Severus "I'm surprised you can smell anything over that stench of betrayal that always seems to linger, even when you leave the room" Remus said his expression blank.

"At least I am doing something to help now, unlike you lupin, you sit in that silly room of yours poring over the same books searching desperately for answers your never going to find, waking up from fitful dreams to find that you are alone, wallowing in his pathetic death, how dare he leave you" He whispered

Remus's eyes flared as he threw himself from his seat tackling Severus to the floor, the rest of the room stopped, conversation ceasing abruptly

"Don't you ever even say his name, you filth and don't even try to understand what I am feeling or thinking, how dare you. We all know what you are, what you were, your marked just like me, it may be the past but it'll never be forgotten, all of those innocent people you killed, you'll never bring them back Severus, never" he growled chest heaving as he held Severus down.

"REMUS!" Albus cautioned his tone wavering as Kingsley pulled the two men apart. Severus just chuckled slightly rubbing his bruised neck. "Well I think quite enough has been said" Molly said casting a worried glance at Albus, "Yes I think you are right molly." He said rubbing his head slightly. "Meeting adjourned,"

Remus stalked out of the house finding himself faced with a cold clear night, he sunk down beside the front door pulling out a cigarette lighting it and drawing in a shaky breath. The door slammed and Severus appeared beside him.

"Quite a show you put on in there Remus, didn't know you had it in you" Severus mocked standing over him, black robes billowing around him as the wind picked up.

"If Albus wasn't there I would have killed you, then again there's nothing stopping me now" he said casually. Severus's eyes glinted in a slightly amused way, "I suppose your wondering why I did it?" Severus asked enjoying having a slight power over one of the men that had made his high school life hell.

Remus shook his head "I already knew you were a cold heartless git that preys on those weaker than himself" he said watching the smoke from his cigarette being dragged from his lips upon the wind.

"No real difference to what you did to me at school" he snapped eyes narrowing slightly.

"I suppose" Remus said before tacking another deep breath and blowing the silvery smoke into the wind "however I was little but an immature child then, we know are adults, at least some of us are" he said standing up. His back was against the wall as he started down as Severus, "Say what you will" he paused moving past him towards the door "but you will never find peace that way, however that's your decision" he said hand resting on the door "Good night Severus" he muttered shutting the door leaving Severus to stand in the bitter spring wind.

_He often wondered when death would come for him, would it ever, little seemed to remember or think on the fact that death that seemed so frighteningly simple, that could come at any moment was something of a blessing to him. Then again death is fascinating to any immortal, beings ones who live on for an eternity. _

Chapter 2 Reminiscence

"_Come the fuck on Remmie!" _

"_Sirius! How many times have I told you not to call me remmie?"_

"_Will you both shut up and hurry up, your slower than peter!"_

'_Hey!"_

"_peter shut up," rustling noises "here have a cup cake"_

_Peter eats_

"_I will when you tell me what the hell is going on, and there better be a good reason" _

"_oh Remus lighten up, you said you needed an adventure…"_

"_Yes but not at 2 in the morning outside the potions class room" _

"I'm sorry for my outburst Albus, truly, I am afraid I was just caught off guard, it won't happen again." Remus's golden eyes found the floor, how was it that even at the age of 37 his old headmaster could still make him feel like he was little older than 12? He pondered this question for a moment before looking back at Albus a worried look upon his face. I'd been waiting for this, an out break of such, its understandable but a problem, until you've sorted things out, I am afraid you are of little help to the order. Remus started back at him "Severus just got at me, said some stupid things, its nothing to worry about, he just got at me, its one of his few talents" he added dryly

"You are too unpredictable" Albus said simply his expression hardening, Remus's eyes widened "To unpredictable! " he exclaimed looking at Dumbledore outraged,

"Remus, I saw how you reacted this evening, do you think that severus is the only person who can get under your skin?" he asked voice raising slightly, "you need to regain control and composure" he finished his tone cutting any retorts short


End file.
